25 things I've learned in 25 years

Birthdays always put me in a reflective mood, and instead of going into panic mode thinking “a quarter of a century old! OMG! I’m not married, I haven’t traveled to all of my bucket list destinations, I haven’t landed my dream job!!!”, I’m choosing to believe that 25 = enough experience to create your best life and ALSO so much time to actually live and enjoy it. So cheers to that. Here’s 25 things I’ve learned in my 25 years of life here on this lil earth in no particular order.

1. You really don’t know what you have until it’s gone. Cliché but true. This may be the most painful life lesson for anyone to have to learn. I never thought my my mom would die and that my cute family of five would quickly turn into a family of four. I often wonder what my life would look like if she were still alive, but living in the past doesn’t help anything. Instead: learn from my mistakes. Don’t take anything or anyone for granted — make sure everyone in your life knows how grateful you are for them and how much you love them. Send that text, make that call. Cherish the small moments, because they truly are moments, that, at any moment, could be taken away.

2. The most important relationship you have in life is the relationship you have with yourself. I've wasted so much time with a zillion insecurities and beating myself up over the “coulda, shoulda, woulda’s.” Take time to write down your best qualities, daily successes (no matter how small) and what you’re grateful for. Appreciate who you are and how far you’ve come.

3. There is no situation or life change that will make you happy if you aren’t happy with the present. “I’ll be so happy when I .... lose 10 pounds/find the love of my life/get that job/drive that nice car/fill-in-the-blank.” I have learned happiness and life is all about the little moments that make you smile and feel good - not the “big ones” where you thought you’d finally “arrive.” And even when you do “arrive,” guess what: it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. There is a whole new bag of challenges you didn’t even know existed. Happiness comes from appreciating the small “big things” that happen to us on a daily basis.

4. Only you can change your life. This one is really just a spin off of number 3 but I needed to expand. If you’re happy, that’s fine.  That’s great.  But if you’re unhappy and want to make a change, nothing is going to happen until you make it happen. Stop waiting for the perfect career opportunity or romantic partner to fall into your lap, or for the right person to appear on your radar.  Go after your own dreams.

5. Stop taking everything so dang personal! Stop being so offended, so easily. My brother always says..”Sar, you can give the heat but you can’t take it!” He’s not wrong.. Lighten up. When we get offended we assume that the other person had us in mind. That my friend, is arrogance. Lighten up by not making yourself the centre of the world - let go of the offence faster than it can weigh you down.

6. Be kind, always. “Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about”. I’m not saying I’m perfect. I’ve been that “mean girl”, I have said and done many things I wish I didn’t. Sometimes we act before we think and sometimes we just lose ourselves in the moment, we’re all human. But love always wins. Be kind.. always.

7. Spend time in nature, every day. My mantra used to be “sweat once a day” and while I still do most days, simply going out for a walk and moving my body is equally as important. Being exposed to what this world has to offer stimulates those same endorphins I get when I work out. I’ve come to realize I need that energy boost to carry on and be productive each day.

8. Go to therapy — you probably need it. Make self-improvement a priority (because we all have s*it to work out). We spend all this time at the gym to be physically fit, so why not make your mind mentally fit? Being the “best” version of ourselves takes daily work, but it’s worth it.

9. Open the good wine, buy the expensive cute t-shirt, use the nice sheets and burn the expensive candle. What are you saving it for? Stop waiting for the “perfect” moment — enjoy life now. See a theme here? If you only knew how much time I’ve wasted living in the past and fretting over missed opportunities…

10. Surround yourself with positive people. They say you’re the average of the five people you hang around most. Spend your free time with those that see the good in everything and everyone — those that encourage you and inspire you. The ones who help you look at life from a different, and more positive lens. You know those people who leave you wanting more of their presence? Hang out with them more often. It might seem easier to hold on to those relationships with those with who have been part of your friend group for forever, but a lot of these relationships can be emotionally draining. I’m not saying cut them off completely — just make sure you’re spending the bulk of your time with people who make you smile, laugh, and feel good about yourself. Some of the people who I would consider my best friends I’ve literally known for a handful of hours and feel more connected with than those I’ve known for years.

11. “Hurt people hurt people” I’ve been on both ends of this spectrum and this I know from experience: the way others treat you is just a reflection of how they feel about themselves — sometimes they justify it, sometimes they blame it on others, and sometimes they don’t even know they’re doing it. I still take way too many things personally, but I remind myself of this daily.

12. Don’t watch the news. Don’t get me wrong — I probably should.. but sometimes I feel BETTER informed than most “informed” people. I eventually get told the most important things anyway. The next time you read or hear news about a tragic event, seek the opportunity to cause a positive outcome. Educate yourself as much as possible up to the point that you can use what you have learned to positively affect others and yourself!

13. There’s no such thing as “work-life balance”. This is something my sister said to me recently and it is so true. Balanced people don’t change the world. Passionate people who don’t have it all together change the world. If you’re worried about life-work balance, something is probably wrong with either your life or your work. Instead of agonizing over balance, get freakin PUMPED UP about what you’re doing and CREATE change. In other words, do the damn thing that keeps you up at night.

14. Get over it. If you’re like every other human on the planet, something bad has probably happened to you at some point. Maybe it was even really bad. But you have to get over it.. Simply put, you can’t let these things define you. It’s about your life, not anyone else’s. At some point, you just gotta move on.

15. Be careful about advice — both giving and receiving. Most of the time, YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO DO when you ask for advice. And most of the time, the people who ask for your advice don’t really want it. (Hint: they want you to say, “That sounds great!”) We all know deep down what we are going to do BEFORE we even ask for it. So stick with your gut, go with your decision, make the mistake, fall down, get back up, keep going. Lather, rinse, repeat. Oh, and stop wasting other people’s time! Just kidding. BUT .. if you’re looking for advice on a big life decision.. something I’ve been trying to live by that my sister told me & it stuck: every decision you make is the right one, because eventually it will lead you to where you’re meant to be (thus, being the right decision). So, maybe just go with your gut next time rather than going to someone for advice?

16. Comfort zones are comfortable for a reason. Make small changes, make big changes, but choose to change. To get out of a rut, change one thing at a time until you find the answer, or change it all at once and see what happens. It can’t be worse, right?

17. Having a degree does not mean that you need to work in a job that requires your university degree. Growing up in a town where “go to high school, go to uni, (most likely fail out of uni, lol), or graduate & get a job” is hammered into your head from a young age, I figured this is how my life path would go. While I still don’t know where I’ll end up, I DO know that leaving a job you hate to pursue your passion (whatever that may be - a barista, a yoga teacher, a dive instructor, a photographer. a dog walker, a librarian, you name it), is worth it. OH and you don’t have to stick to that one job for the rest of your life. Jobs come and go like seasons. Love your job, and find work that fulfills you in your current season of life.

18. Being a good listener is something that takes both time and effort.  This is a quality that you should take time to get good at. Concentrate on listening to what someone has to say.  Resist the urge to jump in early and interrupt, or add empty affirmation, or one-up with something that happened to you. I hate when people do that to me, so next time, stop yourself and think about the type of response you might find helpful in that situation. Listen, think, respond. Still working on this one.

19. Look up. Stop spending so much time on your phone. The experiences you’re looking for are in front of your eyes and you’re missing out on so many beautiful things because you’re too consumed with finding them elsewhere.

20. Stop spending so much money online shopping. Nuff said. Lol, you have a problem.

21. Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. Read that one again. It’s one of my favourites. The next time a person or situation “makes” you feel small, take a step back and realize you have a choice in how you perceive what is happening. And you also have a choice in how you feel and how you respond. Refer back to #5, 6, 11 & 13 when deciding how to react.

22. Be still and know. Psalm 46:10

23. It really is about the journey, not the destination. They weren’t lying, folks! Stop trying to reach that finish line so fast. Enjoy the process. Quit trying to speed things up. Time to refer back to #3 whenever you get ahead of yourself & start wishing life away.

24. Find beauty in the little things. Look at your usual surroundings with a new lens. Admire the way the sunlight comes through your window and onto your plants. Enjoy every sip of that morning coffee. There's always something to appreciate and love a little bit more.

25. Someone else’s success doesn’t diminish yours. We need to stick together, lift each other up, and be happy for other people’s happiness. Jealousy is an unhealthy and ugly monster that is never beneficial and none of us need it.

And, last but not least.. Keep going, you’re getting there.

Here’s to 25!